military aviation jokes

Read more. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? 32. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Do you want to hear about my plane?. 38. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 27. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, You had tents?" [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! The two lads objected strongly. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. ", 55. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? You can see why: How tough? Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Aeronautical Humor. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. 6. He needed COVER! Marine: Wait, stop. Full Disclosure Here. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Co-Pilot: What?!. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Divert your course NOW! While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. It took the poor guy all day. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. They bagged six. 3. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! They cant seem to string three Ws together. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Caller: Is Sgt. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. The tenant shook her head. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. What do hungry Marines eat? This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? 10. Thats Daddy. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Me: No. Baltimore, said Dad. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Read more. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Did you hear about the big accident on base? They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. If you cant pick it up, paint it. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. 28. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Pizza de Resistance Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. ! I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. 2. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. How old are you? a tenant asked. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Chicago. Stay out of clouds. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. 3. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. But I had the last laugh. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Theres a post recall and he went to work. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Thats my wifes breast pump.. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Then came Dads ships turn. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. He is the Founder and . San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. 30. 40. The Marine said Are you crazy? Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Military jokes! I'm impressed! Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. The Lasting Supper As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. Large mahogany desk.. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. What did you do? I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Did it work? What happened Sergeant? aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. The Blonde Fighter Pilot 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Yes, she said. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? Military 3. I was very nervous, she said. (Hang up. USN: Helos A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

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